ForumforAstral
Hi everyone 
I have been meditating consistently for a few months now, and recently I've had some really intense experiences.
First off, I should mention I am currently seeing a therapist for treatment of Complex PTSD and she also believes I am on the spectrum for Dissociation Disorder. So that adds an extra colour over things that I am experiencing.
It all started when recently, after feeling the best I had felt in years. During this time, I was doing 2x15 min zazen or mindfulness style meditation sessions a day and I just felt amazing. I was calm, I wasn't struggling and I just felt happy. One night, it all went terribly wrong for me. I was asking my brain to help me remember if there was trauma I was suppressing from my childhood, as my therapist said I should ask my brain before I sleep to show me if there is anything. I figured because I had been feeling so good, maybe my brain was ready to remember.
Not long after asking my brain, almost out of no where, I started having the beginnings of an anxiety attack, and then I felt completely disconnected from "the source". I felt like what it would be like to be totally and utterly disconnected from love. It was as if all the meditation had made this experience much more intense than I had ever had before. As if the vastness I was becoming open to, was now turning on me and reflecting back a dark vastness in equal value. I could not feel love. I had an almost physical primal urge to call out to my mother, which I suppressed.
My initial instinct is that, perhaps, was this my brain recreating my birth experience? I know that I had a traumatic birth from what my mother told me, I almost died and did not get to have the initial bonding experience, as I needed quick medical treatment after being born.
I haven't been the same since this experience, I haven't felt good, and I feel very fragile, but I am determined to get through this.
So since that experience, I've been having weird visions when I meditate.
The first one, while I was meditating, I could see energy waves around the room and coming off me almost like steam, and I felt this bulging sensation in between my brow area, and it was tingling. Then I could almost see energy waves moving down through my body like electricity, to the point of my body was rocking and almost shaking.
Yesterday, before meditating I asked that I would become a vessel for love and light, as I have been struggling with feeling a lack of compassion. I then saw White Tara's face as my own face.
Then this morning, I had a vision that I was in lotus position and there was this blue snake with rainbow scales all over its body like an opal stone, and the snake went through the top of my head down to my feet. After the snake went through me, I was wearing a blue crown covered in gem stones (Looking back, they were the chakra colours, but I didn't realise it until after I drew it out and it clicked). And my eyes had become like the snake's reflective rainbow scales, like two opal stones.
I don't know what is happening to me. I have been a pretty big skeptic until recently, I am not sure I even really believe in chakras, but I cannot deny what I am seeing and feeling.
Any thoughts?
